Statements like “You won’t understand,” or “Rules are rules” incite tension because the insult the other person’s intelligence and disrespect them from the get-go. For starters, you’ll successfully de-escalate the tension in your conversation with your daughter. I believe school and your health are important and if you don’t get enough sleep, you’ll sacrifice both your grades and your mental and physical health.” It might take a little more time and emotional involvement, but it offers a variety of benefits in return. And even if the party is perfectly safe, I think it’s unwise for you to stay out late on a school night because you will be tired and grumpy the next day. Rather than saying, “Because I said so,” explain, “Because I don’t think it’s safe for you to go to a party where there is no adult supervision and likely underage drinking. So instead, try practicing verbal judo by taking a little extra time to connect with your daughter and explain the problem.
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